What I Learned From “Whisper”


Recently I went through an almost spiritual, mildly scarring, certainly educational experience. I downloaded the app “Whisper”. For those of you who are unfamiliar, “Whisper” is an app solely for anonymously saying things. This could be confessing awful things you’ve done, complaining about awful things done to you, philosophy, looking for support, anything really. Well I downloaded this sucker….and here is what I learned

1. Unless you specify otherwise, your gender will automatically be set as nonspecific

2. You are also randomly assigned a name…mine was “Steel_Tulip”

3. Apparently, if you have no specific gender, your name is Steel_Tulip, and your posts are mostly about the outrages of people calling lettuce “salad” and spinach “other lettuce” when they order a subway sandwich, people will assume you are a woman.

screenshot_2016-12-30-19-57-364. If people on Whisper think you are a woman, they will try to sleep with you.

5. If you declare to Whisper, “Attention men of Whisper: Stop trying to have sex with me”, you will be bombarded with a mix of people trying to have sex with you or telling you that you are probably too ugly to have sex with anyway and they will do so with improper spelling.


6. If you want men to stop trying to have sex with you on Whisper, you must very clearly state, “Attention men of Whisper: I am a man not a woman, STOP TRYING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME!!!”….this will lead to people telling you how to change your settings…and presumably gay men hitting on you.


7. I was a woman online for all of 2 days and have no recent memory of ever being so uncomfortable as random strangers tried to pry their way into my nonexistent goodie bag.


Being a woman online is hard and I don’t recommend it. The attention is not nice it is uncomfortable and makes you feel like all a man wants from you in this world is sex. To the women of the internet I would like to personally apologize for my gender and to remind you that you are a jewel to be treasured, not a tool to be used and any man who thinks different deserve a sharp knee in THIER jewels.

Thank you for stopping by, and until next time I’m Zack Applewhite with Betta Games wishing you A Magical Day.

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